LANGUAGE, POWER, AND THE PATRIARCHY:

How the open use of misogynistic language in the gay community erodes LGBTQ+ credibility

by Sean Watkin, 2 June 2025.

Misogynistic language within pockets of the gay community constitutes a significant yet under-explored issue. Discourse surrounding this topic is often suppressed due to the social risks associated with intra-community criticism. Gay people who voice concerns about problematic behaviours of others within the community may encounter ostracism, ridicule, or even public censure.

Historically, the LGBTQ+ community has maintained strong alliances with feminist ideologies, sharing commitments to inclusivity, acceptance, equality, and equity. However, this longstanding solidarity appears to be breaking down.

Certain gay spaces – particularly those on-line – have emerged as places where misogynistic attitudes are not only present but are, at times, actively reinforced and amplified. So, how is this happening?

Certain gay subcultures employ language that objectifies or mocks the female body under the pretext of humour or admiration. Terms such as “fishy” – used to describe feminine-presenting men, women, or feminine trans women – are frequently framed as playful banter, camp, or expressions of “shade”.

However, these expressions reinforce harmful gender stereotypes. The term “fishy” originates from a derogatory trope that equates female genitalia with an unpleasant odour, a sexist and misogynistic assumption rooted in patriarchal discourse. Its adoption as slang within LGBTQ+ spaces exemplifies how marginalised communities can internalise and replicate the dominant culture’s oppressive norms. In other words, we cannot “fuck the patriarchy” if we are a part of the problem and are unwilling to have an open, balanced conversation about it.

Moreover, this term can be wielded against trans women and femme-presenting individuals within the LGBTQ+ community, as a positive, which in turn reinforces binary ideals of femininity. In doing so, it contributes to the exclusion of those whose gender expressions do not conform to narrowly defined standards. This usage not only perpetuates misogyny but also undermines the LGBTQ+ community’s commitment to gender diversity and fluidity.

Similarly, the phrase “serving cunt”, which has been popularised in drag culture – particularly through, and due to, media such as RuPaul’s Drag Race – presents another complex linguistic case.

Historically, the term “cunt”, which dates back to the 13^th century, referred anatomically to female genitalia. Over time, it has evolved into one of the most profane and taboo terms in the English language. Feminist scholars and activists, such as Inga Muscio in Cunt: A Declaration of Independence (1998), have sought to reclaim the term, repositioning it as a symbol of female empowerment and resistance to linguistic misogyny.

Within the context of the “queer” (another problematic term adopted by the LGBTQ+ community) vernacular, “serving cunt” is often used to signify the performance of extreme femininity or sexual alure. While ostensibly celebratory, this usage can be problematic. This usage risks reinforcing narrow and stereotypical notions of femininity tied to societal expectations or anatomical assumptions, which can overshadow the complex, lived experiences of all women.

Similarly, in recent years, there has been a notable increase in the use of derogatory or judgemental language targeting gay men from segments of the LGBTQ+ community, especially on social media platforms.

The term “slut” originally denoted a woman who was perceived as untidy or unclean, but the term has evolved over time to convey moral judgement regarding a woman’s sexual behaviour. More recently, this term has been appropriated within the gay community, often employed humorously or descriptively to refer to attractive or desirable men. For instance, in Charlie Duncan’s recent journalistic effort, his headline reads as: “Jonathan Bailey is now promoting Jurassic World Rebirth using his ‘slutty little glasses’.” The usage of the term, which likely originated in some cesspit platform such as X (a haven for misogyny), perpetuates the stereotype that gay men are inherently promiscuous; it implies that even mundane behaviours – such as wearing glasses – are imbued with sexual deviance. An ideology, I would think, a publication such as PinkNews would want to deconstruct and challenge.

While some gay men may seek to reclaim the term “slut” as a means of empowerment and rejection of shame, it is important to contextualise its history as a gendered insult aimed at policing women’s sexuality and enforcing lifestyles which serve the means, attitudes, and views of the patriarchy. This raises critical questions about the appropriateness of reclaiming such terms within a community that has historically been subjected to gendered and sexualised stigma.

A recently circulated social media video featured content creator and self-identified comedian Dylan Carlino discussing the phenomenon colloquially known as “grey sweatpants season” – a term referring to the visibility of male genitalia through form-fitting athletic wear. In the video*, Carlino suggests that if a man wears grey sweatpants, he is “asking for it” – a phrase notoriously employed in the justification of sexual violence against women. Even when framed as humour, such rhetoric reflects the troubling infiltration of patriarchal ideology into the LGBTQ+ community. It underscores how internalised misogyny can manifest in LGBTQ+ spaces under the guise of entertainment or satire.

This phenomenon may represent a form of internalised stigma, perpetuating a cycle of shame imposed by broader societal misunderstandings and prejudices regarding homosexuality. It prompts reflection on whether these linguistic practices mirror prevailing societal attitudes toward gay people, or if they reflect the absorption of misogynistic and heteronormative ideologies – alongside terms like “fishy” and “serving cunt” – within the LGBTQ+ community.

In conclusion, the casual use of misogynistic language within parts of the LGBTQ+ community highlights a troubling internalisation of patriarchal and heteronormative values. While often framed as humorous or empowering, such language can marginalise all women and contradict the community’s foundational commitments to inclusivity and equity. Reclaiming slurs without critical reflection risks reinforcing the very systems of oppression we seek to dismantle. To maintain credibility and solidarity beyond Pride parties and RuPaul’s Drag Race, the LGBTQ+ community must remain vigilant in challenging harmful language and reaffirming its alignment with feminist and anti-oppressive principles.

In closing, we as gay people often hold ourselves up as a moral compass, as advocates for justice, equality, and progress. That perceived position demands that we act accordingly, challenging and dismantling patriarchal systems wherever they manifest, including within our own culture and subcommunities.

That should be our legacy.

*I have since been unable to find this video, and I assume it has been deleted.